Fanless and I scored free tickets (yay!) to the Miami Dolphins vs. Atlanta Falcons game last night. We went to the game with Fanless’ coworker and his son, and picked up our tickets at the Will Call. Although our seats were pretty good (section 129, right at the endzone), our “neighbors” totally sucked ass.
Unfortunately, we were seated smack dab in the center of the most obnoxious children ever. Directly to my left were about 30 of the most ill-behaved adolescent boys (if I had to guess, I would say they were probably between 10-14 years old) I have ever seen in my life. Apparently they were some kind of sports team or something, and I guess this was like a field trip for them. However, it seemed to me as if they were completely unsupervised by any adults, as they were yelling loudly and throwing ice and popcorn at the other fans in our section, and no one bothered to reprimand them. (Seriously, they could have served as a PSA for proponents of pro-spanking!) The kid right next to me really needed some Ritalin or Adderall or something, as he could not sit still and ended up smacking me in the head and arms at least three times, with all his jumping around. Then directly behind me was a chubby, 7-year-old that was screaming obscenities in my ear (and let me tell you, this kid’s voice makes Justin Bieber sound like a baritone) the entire time. My ears were ringing as if I’d just spent the night sitting behind the speaker at a Judas Priest concert. Oh yeah, and his dad was with him, but was just as annoying. Fanless was seated to my right and next to him was a mother and her teenaged daughter, both of whom were so trashy they make Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears seem like the Princesses of York. So THAT girl kept jumping up and getting into screaming matches with the ADULT male seated a couple of rows behind us, who also appeared to be the only Falcons fan in the immediate area.
It was the most miserable sporting event experience of my life. If you ask me what happened in the game I could not give you one single detail, as I was completely unable to pay attention with my blood pressure rising and the latino rage building up inside me. I was ready to leave after the first 5 minutes, and if I’d had my own car with me, I would have. The entire time I kept imagining my dad, with the black leather belt I used to get spanked with, just swooping in there like the Tasmanian Devil and laying down “la ley.” Trust me, every single one of these kids needed to be sent to Cuban Parents’ Boot Camp for a couple of weeks, as there is no disciplinary training in the world tougher than a Latino parents’!
Anyway, here are a few pictures I took in order to distract myself from my surroundings.
Oh yeah, and the Dolphins lost.
Peace out, yo!