Searching for Normalcy

"And finally, above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art…" – Felix Gonzalez-Torres

1962 July 30, 2009

Filed under: Miscellany,Random Thoughts,Technology — Lulu @ 3:40 pm

This was a fun little 10-minute time killer. Using the Mad Men Yourself tool online, I created 1962 versions of Fanless and myself. Cute!

1962

 

Peanut & (2)Peas July 28, 2009

Filed under: Life,Miscellany,Scrapbooking — Lulu @ 1:26 pm

First things first: it’s my peanut’s birthday today!

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So go to her blog and shower her with love and birthday wishes.

Second, I received my Two Peas order yesterday, so I wanted to share pics of all the beautamous (sp?) stuff I got.

Making Memories’ Great Escape papers. The papers across the top row and the two on the bottom left are double-sided, so those are both sides of each of those (ie, front, back, front, back, etc.). The two at the bottom right are specialty papers with a glossy print on them, and the “Destination” papers are actually clear acetate overlays. Very pretty colors and prints.

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Miscellaneous alphas and such. Top row: Making Memories Great Escape cork letters, KI Memories Cookie Cutter glitter letters, American Crafts Thickers Subway shapes and Subway letters in white, American Crafts Thickers Lullaby letters (I’ve been looking for them in yellow everywhere). Bottom row: Making Memories Great Escape bamboo letters (love!!), Heidi Swapp white bird sticker (you can’t see it at all with the lighting in here), and Paper Crush icon tags (I have a paper pack and embellies that are this same collection).
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And finally, what I’ve been lusting over forever: Basic Grey’s Marrakech collection. I absolutely love orange and blue together (hmm, maybe that’s why I love the UF Gators so much!), so this line has been calling my name since it was first released. And the prints are gorgeous! Can’t wait to use this stuff.
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Alright, that’s all I’ve got for now. Peace out, yo!

 

scrappiness July 23, 2009

Filed under: Scrapbooking — Lulu @ 10:10 am

I just realized that I never posted these new layouts. They are from June and July.

 

A photo from Mother’s Day 2008. I used DCWV Garden Party pp, Heidi Swapp clear extras, and fabric Thickers.

enjoy 

All products are Cosmo Cricket Early Bird, except for the Scenic Route lined paper I used for the journaling block.

family lunch

This photo got smeared when I was printing it out and it was just laying around for a couple of weeks. Finally I decided to just play around and I grabbed the pic and came up with this. Everything is Prima except the alphas, which are Colorbok.

me

This is the reprint of the picture and the page I made with it. Also using Prima (Rock On).

girly girl 

For this page I used the Noel Mignon Nightingale kit. I really never do “about me” pages, so these three pages are very different for me. I enjoyed putting them together and I’m happy with the results.

me right now

For this I used all Marcella by K Victoria products. I love that Martha Stewart border punch. The detail is just beautiful!

true story

 

Movin’ On Up (Mooo-vin’ on up…) July 22, 2009

Filed under: Blogging,Miscellany,Personal — Lulu @ 10:26 am

Okay, so maybe not exactly up. More like laterally.

My new blog URL:  https://searchingfornormalcy.wordpress.com (Bookmark it! Now please! What are you waiting for? Go!!)

Why did I move from Blogger to WordPress. Well, apparently Blogger has decided to hold my blog hostage and won’t let me access any of the content on my dashboard. I can’t even get on to it in order to post an update and let everyone know what is going on. But Blogger’s help platform isn’t very helpful at all, so after a couple of hours of going around in circles and finding no solution, and no information at all on who to contact, I pretty much just gave up.

I’m kind of bummed that I lost all my earlier posts (I started my blog in August of 2006).  I was able to retrieve and republish some of my more recent posts on here (just July) because I’ve been using Windows Live Writer to publish my posts over the past few months, and I think I might be able to retrieve most 2009/2008/some 2007 posts via Google Reader. But everything from 2006 and most of 2007 is lost in the abyss. Oh well. It is what it is, right?

Anyway, I’ll try to repost some faves from the previous blog (photos, videos, scrap projects) as time allows.  Hopefully you will all find me via Google Search or something. Fingers crossed!

Peace out, yo!

UPDATE: So sometime this afternoon the lightbulb went on in my head and I remembered that I had added my own blog to my Google Reader subscriptions (so that I could view my posts in that format and make any edits needed) a while back. I checked and, sure enough, there were the majority of my blog posts. Eureka! It took a little over four hours, but I managed to scroll through and copy most of my previously published content (all the way back to October 2007) to THIS blog. I guess the good thing about this whole headache is that it gave me a chance to do some spring cleaning on my blog. There were a lot of videos and such that I had posted which are no longer available, in addition to a lot of throwaway posts (little random bits and pieces of nothing). So, anyway, I hope this is the end of this “dolor de culo” (pain in the ass) and that I can now move forward with my regular blogging. Hallelujah!

 

2Peas July 21, 2009

Filed under: Scrapbooking,Shopping — Lulu @ 9:57 pm

One of the gifts I received for my birthday was an online gift certificate for Two Peas in a Bucket from my sweet friends, Carl and Agi. I’ve browsed the site a few times over the last two days trying to figure out what to spend it on. I finally just sat down and made a list of my most wanted scrap items, and used that as my guide. Luckily, I was able to get pretty much everything I wanted (some items were out of stock), plus a few extra goodies that were on clearance. I did go over the amount of the gift certificate by $25, of which $11 was for shipping.

Anyway, here is what I ordered:
2peas

I can’t wait to get that package in the mail!!

 

(Thank you, Carl & Agi! Love you guys!!)

 

My 40th birthday in photos. July 19, 2009

Filed under: Life,Miscellany,Personal,Photography — Lulu @ 7:23 pm

July 17, 2009

Self-portrait.

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Starbucks White Mocha Latte

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Oh boy.
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The ‘hood.

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Waiting for my turn at the auto tag agency.

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At Jiffy Lube

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My happy place

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Grocery shopping
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Lunch

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On the causeway, heading to Miami Beach.

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Bday gifts from my honey (I don’t know why the Harry Potter paper).

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Yay! Love them!!

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Dinner = take out Thai. Yum!

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Playing computer games with my honey.

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Pretty good day.

 

Quarenta July 17, 2009

Filed under: Life,Miscellany,Personal — Lulu @ 5:07 pm

(Blogger has decided to hold my blog hostage and is not allowing me access to any of my content. Therefore, I have made the move to WordPress. I will try to add older posts on here as time allows. Thank you for your patience!!)

Today is my birthday. And it’s not just any birthday. It’s a big one. Today I am 40 years old. Forty. “The Big Four-Oh.” “Lordy, lordy, look who’s forty!” And all that other nonsense.

I’ve never been a big birthday person, but I have had a few memorable ones. Like the requisite bocadito parties as a kid. I distinctly remember a “Donny & Marie” party sometime in the seventies, including tambourine and microphone set, and Donny and Marie dolls in matching white and purple outfits. I think there was even a Charlie’s Angels party once (that one might just be a figment of my imagination, though). As an adult, there was the “yay, I’m divorced!” 28th birthday. And I vaguely recall dancing and flirting with a cute ex-Marine at a South Beach nightclub at my 32nd birthday celebration. Oh, and my friend drove all the way down from Orlando to surprise me for that one (that was fun).

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. So I’m 40 today. And what that means? Well, I’m not really sure. Yes, I’ve read all the women’s magazines that proclaim ‘40 is the New 30!’ on their glossy covers in bright pink, 32-pt Helvetica. And of course, there are scads of gorgeous 40-something celebrities pasted all over the checkout stand gossip rags and prancing about on every other program on the E! channel. Yeah, okay. “40 good.” Got it. Now get the hell away from me.

See, here’s the thing. I never imagined forty would be like this, here, where I am. Did I imagine what it would be like? Well, no. Not really. But I’m sure if I did, it wouldn’t be this.

I’ve said before that I’ve never been one of those girls that grew up daydreaming of meeting the perfect man at 18, married by 21, 2.2 kids by 25, plus house, dog, minivan, etc… But just because I didn’t actively think about it doesn’t mean that I didn’t think it’s where I would end up. I mean, isn’t that a given? It’s normal, right? To have all that? But, instead, here I am: forty, divorced, childless, living in a rental, in debt, with a dead-end job (to clarify, I like my job, but it is “dead end” in that there is no room for advancement).

But I have Fanless and I am crazy in love with him and adore him with all my heart and soul. He is the most wonderful thing in my life and I am grateful every day that he is with me. He makes me laugh. A lot.

And I have my friends and family. I love them. They are great and beautiful people. I don’t see them as much as I would like, but they are always in my thoughts and my heart.

Most importantly, I have a job that pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head, and an employer that makes me feel valuable and appreciated. Thank goodness for that, and knock on wood, with the current state of the economy.

You see, it’s not necessarily that I feel like I have to be married and have kids and buy a house and be a CEO. But I feel like I should want and have all those things. Like it’s what’s expected of me. Like I’m a complete oddball, a social outcast, for NOT having those things. Somehow I can’t help but feel like I’ve majorly screwed up. Like I lost the map a long time ago, and turned left when I should have gone right. Why didn’t I meet the perfect guy at 18, and get married at 21? Why didn’t I have the 2.2 kids? Why didn’t I stick with school and get a degree and pursue a real career? Why didn’t I just budget myself better and get rid of that debt years ago? Why not? Did I consciously choose this road, this life? Or did I just let it “happen” to me? Did I just wait to see where the chips would fall? Or did I pick up the chips and set them down, right there in that spot?? I think it was a little of both. But, yeah, there was definitely more that I could have done. I’m not stupid. I know that. I could have tried harder in school. I could have not married a total asshole out of desperation. I could have not applied for that new credit card.

There are lessons that I have learned over the past four decades. There are things I would do differently. There are things I would avoid altogether. And there are things that I would still live through. But at this stage in life, this age, this “phase,” I find myself questioning a lot of decisions and choices, turning them round and round in my head, wondering if things would have been different, if I would have been different.

The bottom line is that I will never really know, will I? There is no crystal ball, no psychic vision. I can only know what I know. And I have to be okay with what I know. I have to be okay with who I am. I have to be okay with where I am. I don’t think that is necessarily going to happen today. But I’m hoping that I will be able to cut myself some slack. Eventually.

Check back with me at 41.