Searching for Normalcy

"And finally, above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art…" – Felix Gonzalez-Torres

One week In July 14, 2008

Filed under: Life,Personal — Lulu @ 6:17 pm

It has been one week since my parents decided to embark on their new "life journey." One week ago today my parents boarded a plane to head off for their new life in Panama. I wish I could tell you the name of the exact town, but apparently it doesn’t have a name. It lies somewhere between Chitré and Pesé, approximately three hours from Panama City.

Their reasons for this decision were seemingly out-of-the-blue and entirely personal. I’ve spoken to my mom on the phone a few times and it’s funny that I can hear her more clearly than when she would call me from her house 15 minutes away. They have purchased a farm, a homestead, that holds a little house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms (this isn’t like Shoma Homes; so even with that many rooms, it is still little). They want to raise pigs and chickens and cows (oh my). They have purchased a washer and a dryer. They are having their phone and electricity installed tomorrow. They have to get their personal belongings out of customs, but someone lost some paper somewhere. They are making friends, they are being invited to dinners at homes of people they just met and to birthday parties of children they don’t know.

They seem happy and content and that is what is most important.
I miss them so much I can’t stand it.

I miss my mom’s warm hugs and her home cooked tortilla de platano and garbanzos frito. I miss my dad’s longwinded stories that incorporated imitations and hand gestures, stories that would make my sides ache from laughing. I miss showing my mom my new scrap pages every time she would drop by to visit and her always saying the same thing ("Mamita, eres una artista!"). I miss my dad calling me to ask me how to spell something in English and me calling them to ask how to say something in Spanish.
And I miss what hasn’t even happened yet: the family get-togethers that we won’t share, the holidays we won’t get to celebrate together, the pictures I won’t get to take, the everyday nonsense I won’t get to talk to my mom about…

I’m sure it’ll get easier to deal with as time passes. It’ll become the norm, the way it is. But for right now, right at this moment, it totally and completely sucks.

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