Searching for Normalcy

"And finally, above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art…" – Felix Gonzalez-Torres

Monday Mindlessness July 14, 2008

Filed under: Miscellany,Random Thoughts — Lulu @ 6:18 pm

Hello, my people!! (Okay, really, do I even HAVE people??)

I have a few long and winding posts, on various and sundried topics, sitting in draft mode. Not a single one is ready to publish. But I still wanted – no, NEEDED – to post something. So today you get randomness…

1) My parents have been in Panama for one week now. Surprisingly, I can hear my mother better when she calls from Panama than I could when she was living 15 minutes away. Go figure. (More on the Panama thing later.)

2) My birthday is in three days. I am almost unaware of it, except for the fact that people keep calling me to ask me what I want for my birthday. Honestly, I have no idea. I feel weird asking for gifts. I AM looking forward to having Puerto Rican food with my girls, though! Mofongo… yummm…

3) I went to the Vans Warped Tour on Saturday. A) I didn’t get sunburned, and B) I got to meet a couple of cool musicians. It wasn’t as exciting as I had expected. That could be simply the band roster they had. Who knows. Anyway, more on that later also.

4) I am currently obsessed with this, this and these. I do not have any of these. I would sell my left kidney (and a portion of my right) for these.

5) I need yellow shoes. Actually, no. I don’t NEED them. I want them. Just ’cause.

6) I also want these! The boy designed them for me online (, yo!) but I have a hard time justifying spending $80 on a pair of shoes that I am nowhere near cool enough to pull off wearing.

Umm… I guess that’s it. I’m trying to avoid working and I’m having leftover pad thai for lunch. Oh yeah – envy my rockin’ party life! (super-mega-eyeroll)


One week In

Filed under: Life,Personal — Lulu @ 6:17 pm

It has been one week since my parents decided to embark on their new "life journey." One week ago today my parents boarded a plane to head off for their new life in Panama. I wish I could tell you the name of the exact town, but apparently it doesn’t have a name. It lies somewhere between Chitré and Pesé, approximately three hours from Panama City.

Their reasons for this decision were seemingly out-of-the-blue and entirely personal. I’ve spoken to my mom on the phone a few times and it’s funny that I can hear her more clearly than when she would call me from her house 15 minutes away. They have purchased a farm, a homestead, that holds a little house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms (this isn’t like Shoma Homes; so even with that many rooms, it is still little). They want to raise pigs and chickens and cows (oh my). They have purchased a washer and a dryer. They are having their phone and electricity installed tomorrow. They have to get their personal belongings out of customs, but someone lost some paper somewhere. They are making friends, they are being invited to dinners at homes of people they just met and to birthday parties of children they don’t know.

They seem happy and content and that is what is most important.
I miss them so much I can’t stand it.

I miss my mom’s warm hugs and her home cooked tortilla de platano and garbanzos frito. I miss my dad’s longwinded stories that incorporated imitations and hand gestures, stories that would make my sides ache from laughing. I miss showing my mom my new scrap pages every time she would drop by to visit and her always saying the same thing ("Mamita, eres una artista!"). I miss my dad calling me to ask me how to spell something in English and me calling them to ask how to say something in Spanish.
And I miss what hasn’t even happened yet: the family get-togethers that we won’t share, the holidays we won’t get to celebrate together, the pictures I won’t get to take, the everyday nonsense I won’t get to talk to my mom about…

I’m sure it’ll get easier to deal with as time passes. It’ll become the norm, the way it is. But for right now, right at this moment, it totally and completely sucks.