Searching for Normalcy

"And finally, above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art…" – Felix Gonzalez-Torres

locusts & famine are next October 24, 2007

Filed under: Life,Personal — Lulu @ 7:35 pm

Normally I would post a spoken word piece on Wednesdays. Or some funny video. Or some stupid meme. Or just something utterly mindless and ridiculous to get over the mid-week hump. But today I am just not feeling it.

I am not feeling poetic or funny or stupid or mindless or ridiculous. Today all I am is worried.

I am worried about the fires in California.

I am worried because my employer is based in California. I am worried because seven of my coworkers have been evacuated from their homes over the past two days. One of them has two children under the age of two.

I am worried about my best friend and his life partner, who just relocated to Cali in June. I am worried because J is dealing with a serious illness and this event does not help his stress level. I am worried for his partner, T, who accepted a teaching position at one of the UC campuses, which is located in what is now an alert and (possible) evacuation zone.

I am worried for my blogger friends, Marta and QoD, who have their homes and loved ones to think about.

I am also scared. I am scared at the rage and fury of Mother Nature and how utterly powerless we are to stop her. I am scared for all the firefighters that are putting their lives at risk to try and contain this inferno. What about their families, their homes, their lives?

And the worst part is that there’s nothing I can do but think about them and worry and pray for their safety. I hate – HATE – not being able to do something, to "fix" things. It’s my nature to try and resolve things, find solutions, try to make things better. And I hate the feeling of helplessness that comes with knowing that there is really nothing I can do.



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